How speaking about my Mental Illness has become my strength

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In society today having a mental illness is still a taboo subject even though 1 in 4 of us will experience some form of mental illness in their lifetime. With such a large number of people affected by mental illness, you would think it would be more widely spoke about.

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What it’s like to love a girl who has survived Trauma

A girl who has lived through trauma has lived through a situation where her body, mind, her entire self was not her own. Where she felt ripped from herself, safety, and her own sanity. It was an experience where her trust was smashed, her worth demolished and all was left was pain. A girl who has lived through trauma is the one whose been pushed into the deep end of the pool not knowing how to swim and yet somehow found herself a ledge. She walked through a fire and did not succumb to the smoke. She dealt with the burns and despite the flames all around her she made it out alive. She survived. But the thing about trauma is that even when the situation is over it never really goes away.

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Just because I’m smiling, does not mean I am ‘well’

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For the rest of my life I will live with a mental illness, a label and a diagnosis, which is hard to comprehend. For the rest of my life, I will struggle with the demons in my head. I will have difficult moments, severe depressive moments, several days of living under blankets feeling hopeless and depressed, or too anxious and paranoid to leave my house. I’ll have challenging moments when I refuse to see or speak to anyone, including my friends. I will have moments of exhaustion where my anxiety just takes over my mind. I will have days where I will struggle tremendously and the thought of surviving is enough.

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When your suicide doesn’t end in death or a hospital stay

When I was 14, I attempted suicide for the first time.

Let me rewind a bit first though.

I was 14 when my self-harming and depression decided to appear in my life and be a prominent feature still to this day. It was an interesting way to start my teenage years when they decided to appear in already a difficult time in any teenager’s life, just being a teenager. One thing led to another, while I was coping with being bullied at school, trying to keep my marks up, as well as coping with a big family fall out. When I found myself alone in my room with a load of pills next to me. I attempted to take my own life for the first time that night, and I woke up the next day with a sore throat and a terrible headache.

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When Anxiety tears you up inside

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Anxiety: A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. It’s a small word that is defined so simply, yet the feeling is anything but simple. The feeling is anything but small.

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Making it 20+ years old as someone with depression

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When I was a teenager I remember thinking to myself if I just reach my twenties I’ll be okay. This at a time when I was sectioned at 17 and was adamant I did not under any circumstance want to see my eighteenth birthday. However my answers always remained the same in psych evaluations ‘No I don’t see or hear people who aren’t here, I don’t want to harm anyone, I’m not suicidal’. The latter always feeling like a lie because in a way it was.

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