For the rest of my life I will live with a mental illness, a label and a diagnosis, which is hard to comprehend. For the rest of my life, I will struggle with the demons in my head. I will have difficult moments, severe depressive moments, several days of living under blankets feeling hopeless and depressed, or too anxious and paranoid to leave my house. I’ll have challenging moments when I refuse to see or speak to anyone, including my friends. I will have moments of exhaustion where my anxiety just takes over my mind. I will have days where I will struggle tremendously and the thought of surviving is enough.
Continue reading “Just because I’m smiling, does not mean I am ‘well’”
When I was 14, I attempted suicide for the first time.
Let me rewind a bit first though.
I was 14 when my self-harming and depression decided to appear in my life and be a prominent feature still to this day. It was an interesting way to start my teenage years when they decided to appear in already a difficult time in any teenager’s life, just being a teenager. One thing led to another, while I was coping with being bullied at school, trying to keep my marks up, as well as coping with a big family fall out. When I found myself alone in my room with a load of pills next to me. I attempted to take my own life for the first time that night, and I woke up the next day with a sore throat and a terrible headache.
Continue reading “When your suicide doesn’t end in death or a hospital stay”
I didn’t choose my mental illness, it chose me.
It chose me with the 2,3, and 4 a.m. wake up calls that no light or meaningful explanation could ever bring.
Continue reading “I did not choose my Mental Illness it chose me”