Please ask me how I am.
Ask me in a way that genuinely makes me feel like you want the truthful answer, I know you probably wont. I know it’s not because you don’t care about me. It isn’t because you don’t worry about me, but if you’re honest with yourself, it’s because you probably don’t want to deal with it.
If you do ask me how I am, your probably hoping that you’ll receive the ‘I’m fine, how are you?’ standard response because you don’t want to know that this morning I sobbed in the shower before work. You don’t want to know I’m angry because of the abuse I have been on the receiving end of in the last few months. You don’t want to know I’m also ashamed of what happened to me. You don’t want to know that I still feel suicidal at times. You don’t want to know that I had a panic attack the other day at work and had to run to the toilets to quieten my sobs and that it took me 20 minutes to pull myself together.
I get it, okay? I know it’s really difficult to speak to someone in pain. You have your own stuff going on and a million and one things to remember. You are also dealing with your own stuff and I don’t want to add to that, I truly don’t. I understand that sometimes all you can do is deal with your own life.
But dealing with depression, suicidal tendencies, anxiety etc – that is hard too. While I don’t want to burden you, sometimes I do really need to talk. I don’t like reaching out. It scares me, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I really don’t want to take up your time with my troubles, but maybe once in a while if you can, please ask me how I am. Ask me if I’m coping. Please make me feel as though you genuinely want me to talk to you. And please be prepared for the response not to be ‘I’m fine’ because sometimes, I’m not.