There are days when I feel like this, when the world feels like it’s crashing in on you. Where your body just feels weighed down and it can’t hold you up when you try to stand. When getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain, because you’re so afraid of what the day might throw at you and whether or not you can survive it.
At times when my depression and anxiety have reared their ugly heads, this is the time when I don’t feel up to life. When it takes all my strength to just get out of bed and shower and get to work. Somehow I manage to do it, but I am not fully functioning. Anything can and will make me cry because I feel as though everybody hates me and the world is out to get me. All I actually want is for the ground to swallow me up and for me to disappear because everything hurts and I feel like nothing I say or do is the right thing. So why am I even bothering? I just don’t feel up to life.
That’s the real heartbreak of depression and anxiety. You’re too tired to simply exist or move and you’re too anxious to reach out to anybody. Although none of this sounds hopeful, if anyone reading this feels hopeless or lost, I hope you know that your feelings are valid. Hopefully by writing this it might make someone feel validated. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Validation of my feelings, to know that I’m not crazy or as bad as I feel I am and that it’s okay.
But we won’t always feel like this. We will one day soon enjoy the sunshine again instead of the darkness that consumes us and makes us feel all alone.