Sorry, that I’ve got myself a degree but have not found a relevant job. Sorry for scratching my hands from anxiety and that made you uncomfortable. Sorry that my leg bounces up and down and it distracts you.
Sorry for not giving you my full attention when you are telling me about your day. Sorry for being upset or scared. Sorry that I can’t bring myself to smile at you when you look at me. Sorry that I run out of church crying because I can’t handle it.
I never realised how much I was doing it, until a friend said ‘Stop apologising for how you’re feeling and the fact that you do exist’ Sorry was my reply proving her point.
My depression and anxiety tell me that I am worthless. They tell me that I am unlovable. They tell me that I should be a better person. I should be thinner. I should be able to fix all the problems my nearest and dearest face. They tell me to go and be sociable, but they also tell me not to be a burden to my friends. Something my depression and anxiety tell me I am on a daily basis. They tell me I need to become better or smarter or anything other than myself. My depression and anxiety tell me I am never enough.
They still tell me that, and some days I believe them with all my might.
But on those awful days I have to remind myself that my depression and anxiety are lying. I have to remind myself that nobody is perfect, and even if I’m not good enough (or so my depression and anxiety would have me believe). I am enough. I can help those around me. I can contribute in a positive way by sharing my story.
If depression and anxiety are lying to you, and making you believe those lies. Just remind yourself of what is true and that is okay. Most importantly, don’t apologise for taking up space, don’t apologise for being you and mostly never apologise for existing.